20 ways to be a liberal

By Anthony Maffeo
Fourth Republic Guest Columnist

1. You have to be against capital punishment, but support abortion on demand for 7 month term, viable fetuses.

2. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.

3. You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding citizens are more of a threat than nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Iran or Chinese and North Korean communists.

4. You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding and ONLY Federally funded art is worthwhile.

5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by historically cyclical changes in the earth's climate and more affected by soccer moms driving SUV's.

6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial, but being homosexual is beautiful.

7. You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.

8. You have to believe that the same teachers who can't teach 4th-graders how to read are somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.

9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but PETA activists do....even if they are blowing up people with bombs to make their point!!!

10. You have to believe that being "given" self-esteem is more important than actually making the effort to earn it.

11. You have to believe that Mel Gibson spent $25 million of his own money to make "The Passion of the Christ" for financial gain.

12. You have to believe the NRA is bad because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution. If you don't know what we're talking about here......it's time you looked it up.

13. You have to believe that Federal "taxing of the rich" is too low, but ATM fees are too high.

14. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, Gen. Robert E. Lee, and Thomas Edison.

15. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides are not.

16. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't been in charge. You believe that Hollywood, California has those people.

17. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag queens and transvestites, often unclothed, should be constitutionally protected, and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.

18. You have to believe that Barbara Streisand and The Dixie Chicks know more about National Security than Condeleeza Rice.

19. You have to believe that The New York Times and CNN are Patriotic and individuals that proudly display the American Flag are NUTS!!

20. You have to believe that this message is a part of a vast, right-wing conspiracy.

GOD BLESS AMERICA............oops, can't say that if you're Liberal.